Monday, June 30, 2014

Glimpsing the light from under the rock

I was able to catch up on reading my favorite blogs and although I didn't comment on many it has got me itching to come up for air and be out in the world amongst people. 

When you are at home with little people all day for five months you get antsy to do things in your former life. You know the cliche that you can't go pee by yourself and you need adult time. All these ideas came out of real life. 

I don't even know how far back to go when I say my "former life". This could be December before little Blake was born and I had only 3 children. It could be back before I had more than 2 diapers to change at one time. It could be back before baby girl and 20 pounds ago. Or we could reach way back and think in some type of dreamy haze when I didn't have any little people to chase and had the entire day to do as I please. 

Whether you compare life with a new baby (your first or your fourth) it does feel like you go through a period of living under a rock or trying to catch a breath of air after drowning. 

I have had so many waves of emotions these last few months. I am a pretty even keel type of gal and don't give into my feelings often. Yet with intensity of feeling, you experience life in a very grabbing way. I have had such joy loving my four children. They grow so fast. I have had days utterly exhausted , beyond what I thought humanly possible. I have laughed so hard with my kids over all kinds of funny things that I have literally peed my pants (this is easily done after four babies). I have also felt very alone here at the house days on end. I have been depressed, low in my spirit and crawled to Jesus to get aid and strength of purpose. I have made friends to see them walk away and not seem to care to reach out to me yet others surprise me with love and friendship. Above all God is my personal God. I cannot express how this just resonates with my core. He is what I need every time,  at all times. I cannot be enough for everyone who needs me and depend on me but he always says "I've got it Mel, don't worry about that , you are enough for me. I love you" and It is well with my soul again. love my family and my Savior. 

I have so much to blog about over the last five months. Highlights to come soon.

No promises made here but hopefully you will see more of me now that life is getting into a new groove.